It's a new year

So much has once again happened since that last post. I'm making a renewed commitment to come here every morning to update, fingers crossed.
Shortly after that June '12 post, I had a bowel obstruction and another major surgery, I'm now at 3 since this odyssey began in April '11. Scar tissue from one of my previous surgeries had collected like guitar strings that were wrapped around my small intestine, choking it off. From the time I got into the ER to the time they took me into surgery was just a few hours.  Surgery went really well and I felt much better in post op this time compared to the last two nightmares of pain with docs having to scramble to figure out what was wrong with their pain management strategy.
I spent 7 days in the hospital, intended to be 4, because once again my funny little gut didn't feel like performing as instructed. That surgery and hospital stay set me back quite a bit, both physically and mentally. It's just so hard to feel like you're putting something behind you, finally, only to have to plunge yourself back into it again.  But I got through it.
In the Fall I got to be in New York City for a school conference and meet several schoolmates that I'd so far only talked to online. That was awesome, I really enjoyed it all. Even the night we went to Pure Food, a raw food restaurant, and I threw up everything I'd eaten when I got back to the hotel. :-(.
Shortly after returning home from NYC I left on a 17 day trip to Italy with members of my church, Mile Hi Church of Religious Science. We went to Sorrento for a week then to Rome and finally Florence, or Fiorenze as they say in Italia.  That trip changed a lot of things about my life, but maybe not in the way I expected or people might think.  I enjoyed it, but there were a lot of negatives, or what I perceived at the time as negatives. First I got a bad case of vertigo the first day there and struggled with that the whole trip (dizzy, nauseous, wobbly,etc). Second I've decided I'm really not a group traveler ,,, I'm too independent and need time to myself, going at my own pace.  But what came out of the trip for me was a realization that I can just "be" in my discomfort and resentment, and by being present for myself (because at times I had no other choice like I do at home), I got some clarity around things in my life. I still can't quite articulate it, still processing. But when I left home, I felt very flat emotionally, aimless and so unsure of where to go next or what I'm doing here.  And coming home, a few days later, I realized I didn't feel that any longer. Not that I had all the answers, but for whatever reason, it was ok now. Perhaps it was simply the change of scenery, perhaps it was stepping out of my comfort zone, and possibly it was those and a lot more that I don't yet fully comprehend. And that's ok too. Not knowing can be freeing, letting go of the need to know and sitting in the discomfort ,,, all good stuff.