Excited and ambivalent

I'm so excited to be participating in this book, an anthology, titled "In Pursuit of The Divine".  I have a 1500 word chapter to contribute, about empowerment.  The book will be out in April.  This feels so "right", so on target with God's overall plan for me.  Knowing I need to get to writing is, I think, one of the reasons I'm getting back to blogging again.  And I've been doing some poetry again lately too, so the creative juices are flowing.  More details to come on the book.

My ambivalence is about a possible part time job with Chris 4 Life.  Although they haven't offered me anything yet, and after our call last Friday I'm doubtful they will lol.  But since my cancer journey started, I knew I didn't want to just be identified as "Allita, the cancer survivor".  Also, I have a somewhat different approach to cancer, my journey through it and how I choose to see it.  I don't feel like a victim, I refuse to go around saying things like "fuck you cancer", etc.  I guess that's why the advocacy thing just feels off-task for me ,,, I know in my heart that the role God wants me to play in this is more about education, teaching people who will listen about things like clean food, listening to our body and how our government could care less if the food they're recommending is killing us.  That last one is a hard nut to swallow, but all I had to do is look at what's happening through eyes that aren't covered in rose colored glasses, and it's obvious.  I may be fighting an uphill battle, but that's no reason to not try.

But in the end, all of this is up to God, not me.  I just know that 2014 is going to be a year of pivotal change in my life, and I'm excited, doing what's in front of me to do, and putting things like my sobriety and peace of mind before anything or anyone else.

I feel the time is coming for me to face things with my best friend, tell her how i've been feeling and get that off my heart.  Enough time has passed that I can speak without anger or hurt feelings.  I know we're drifting apart, and I don't think that will change, but at least she'll know (hopefully) that I love her and always will.