Life post-Milo

It's almost impossible to believe, but as of today Milo has been gone for a week.  In some ways it feels longer and in others, it feels like yesterday.  I can walk into my home now without wanting to burst into tears.  I can look at the spot where his bed was in my bedroom and not feel pain.  I removed it, along with his food & water bowls the day he passed.  It was just too painful to see it, wishing he was in it.

What I know for sure at this point is:

• Milo was an angel in dog form sent to me by God to watch over me, love me and get me through my cancer & sobriety journey
• There was something very, very special about the love we shared and I will be grateful for that for the rest of my life. 
• I feel like a very special person has left my life. 
• I wish I could carry a sign that says "I'm hurting" so everyone would walk & talk softly around me.  
• Knowing what grief feels like, I know I'm smack dab in it.  I'm irritable, fatigued, wanting to just be alone and yet craving the comfort of anothers presence. 
• I hate the word "doggie" with a passion
• I'm going to just ignore those people who think I should just "take a whole day to grieve, then keep moving forward".  Grief doesn't actually work that way. 
• Milo was sent here for a finite period of time, until I was ready to stand on my own.  His being taken means, I believe, that God knows I'm now ready to do just that. 
• I miss him something awful.  I miss hugging him, I miss the way we used to press our foreheads together, the way he moaned in pleasure when I was loving on him, and the frisky little way he'd stare at me when he was hungry or wanted to go for a walk.  
• He has left a huge empty place in my life, and I think I'm ready for a real man to fill that spot. 

More later, I'm exhausted.  My book, In Pursuit of the Divine: Written Stories to Empower a Woman's Soul is being released tomorrow and I have a few things to do for that tonight.  I am about to be a published author, can't even believe it.  It feels surreal, in an amazingly good way! 

Love & Hugs