Sunday

So it's kind of crazy, the things that come to you as you're sobering up.  Yes, it's physically just a matter of getting the drugs out of your system, but man, it's wayyyy more than just that. 

I read this book called Drinking: A Love Story and it was like reading about my own life.  A "high functioning alcoholic", that's what they call people who drink like I do.  Rarely if ever get sloppy drunk, so that anyone notices, and only drink a few in front of other people.  Most of my drinking was done here at home, once in a while in the car.  Never got arrested or a DUI, never hurt anyone or wrecked my car.  Appearances are, and were, everything.  This is all so eye opening, I have so many damn mini epiphanies a day it's flat out exhausting. 

Having one of those days that starts out good, or so I thought, but it seems like everyone and everything is irritating me today, irrationally.  Getting frustrated and angry over things like my ipod not working right, or that my smoothie this morning turned out yucky.  Irritated over little things people are saying on Facebook, or what they're not saying.  Hey, I said it was irrational.  Intended to go for a walk, but since my damn ipod isn't cooperating, I don't feel like walking without it.  And it's windy, yeah, that always puts me in a foul mood too.  I've had days like this before, when I was drinking, but that's the thing, I'd be drinking right now.  I'd have a glass of wine sitting here beside me on the desk as I type, a HUGE glass of wine I might add.  And you could definitely tell when my thoughts started to change with the drink.  That's what the author of Drinking calls it, The Drink.  Not booze, or alcohol, or "my addiction", she calls it The Drink.  I thought that was interesting, different. 

Also planned to go to an AA meeting today, a new one I hadn't been to before.  But on the way home from church (another irritant, not sure why I went, the message didn't seem to have meaning for me today at all, that rarely happens), I talked myself out of going.  Not sure why. 

Here's an interesting thing ,,, I'm finding it hard to verbalize about much of anything lately, either on here, on Facebook, in conversations with friends, that isn't related to either AA, me sobering up or all these crazy emotions and feelings I'm having.  I'm not talking to my friends much right now, just don't really feel like I have much to say.  This is so BIG in my life, this feels like all there is for me right now.  Yeah, so that's all I've got today.