Restart, Part II

Wow, to say that everything has changed since that last posting is a giant understatement.  I started having severe abdominal pains on March 26th, went to the ER and had a colonoscopy shortly after that.  An obstruction was found, and a week later I was being admitted to the hospital.  Couple days and lots of pokes, prods and tests later I was told I had colon cancer and that surgery was needed to remove the part of my colon where the tumor was.  Turned out I lost 2/3 of my colon, or large intestine, but thankfully I didn't end up with an ostomy bag, which was my first question out of surgery.

So I spent 15 days in the hospital due to some complications, then came home for 2 days only to find myself back in the hospital with a bowel obstruction.  So a second surgery and 12 more hospital days and I finally came home for good on May 12th.  Recovery from surgery took a while, but I finally started to feel better.  Then I met with an oncologist who dropped the bomb on me that without chemotherapy, my Stage II cancer had a 23% chance of returning in 5 years.  I was just beginning to feel this nightmare fading into the background a bit, and now i was being told it would keep going.  That was a hard day.

So after some soul searching and of course talking to my family of friends, I decided to go with the more aggressive 6 month regimen of IV infusion chemo.  So a chemo port was surgically installed just under my left clavicle on my chest, and I have now had two doses of a regimen called Folfox.  The first one wasn't too bad, but this second one hasn't been a picnic. Lots of nausea this time around, and I just feel crummy ,,, low energy, bad taste in my mouth, some foods taste a little off, fingers hurt when i touch anything cold and my throat is sore. 

I have 10 more chemo sessions to get through, and while there's no guarantee with this, it does reduce my chances of reoccurence to 9% in the next five years which are really pretty good odds.  I get my chemo every other week, on Tuesdays.  I go into the infusion center where they access my port first to get blood and run my CBC counts, then the infusion of two out of three drugs starts and goes for about 2-3 hours.  Before I leave I get hooked up to a pump containing my third drug, which I take home with me until Thursday when it's disconnected. 

It's been one hell of an ordeal so far, but all things considered (i.e. I'm still alive) it's something I can and will get through.

Plugging away ....

Have done a total of three CAbi shows so far, all for my friends who have been so supportive!  Life without great friends (if you don't have much family) wouldn't be fulfilling at all, and I have some amazing friends.  People ask me all the time how things are going with my self-employment and if I'm having fun, enjoying myself, etc.  Let me just say ,,, I'M LOVING IT! It's not less stressful, less busy or less anything really ,,, it's just vastly different when your efforts, or lack thereof, directly impact you and your life.  When you work for someone else, your successes and failures may, or may not, have such a direct impact on you.  That can be very insulating, which has a positive and a negative side.  On the upside, if you don't finish your To Do list that day or don't feel energized, you still have a job and a paycheck.  On the downside, if you're putting out tons of energy and effort, the payoff for that belongs to someone else.  So, being self employed means the pressure is on, but the rewards are yours to claim and benefit from.  I'm learning a lot, hopefully becoming better at what I do so that I can become more successful.  I will add that, to me, success isn't just about making more money or having more things ,,, it's knowing people trust me, and feel truly "Serviced" after dealing with me.  I have been complaining about the level of customer service in this country for years, so part of my intention with having my own business is to demonstrate by my actions what it really means to be of "Service" to others.  That has real value to me, and gives more meaning to a life of self employment.  We can all "sell" something to others if we put a little effort into it, but I want to do more than that.  At my shows, no matter how small an item someone orders, I treat them as if they just gave me the largest order in history.  And if someone doesn't place an order, or won't book a show, I still treat them as if they did both, meaning I try not to be dismissive (hope that comes across).  You never know whose life you are touching by being kind, understanding or a good listener/friend.

Have done a few shows ...

The hardest part of these posts is remembering to do them and coming up with titles lol.  So it's been a really crazy couple of weeks!  Had my first two CAbi shows, and they were both awesome and very different from each other.  I practiced and practiced and practiced, and still forgot a couple of things, but it's true what they say that this is about relationships.  No one really cares if you're perfect or not, but being personable is crucial.  I did this direct sales thing once before and sold a line of jewelry.  I wasn't successful at all and after a handful of shows I gave it up.  First of all, the company itself is a huge factor ,,, CAbi is truly a well run, ethical and thoughtful company to be associated with.  The training has been stellar, and besides ,,, this is fashion and I'm all about that.  So I'm selling something that I truly believe in this time, and I'm quite sure that my being in a different place, mentally & emotionally (not to mention about 12 years older) has a lot to do with it as well.
And in the last few days, now that I have some sales under my belt, I've been able to see just how truly impressive the earning potential is with this company.  And by far the best news out of all of that ,,, I'm having FUN!!  I get to wear my product, talk about fashion everytime someone asks me what I do for a living, and when I'm "working" I'm really just playing with clothes and meeting these really great women.  What a blessing!

Having fun ...

So things are going fairly well so far, I have high hopes for doing CAbi on a couple different levels.  First of all, I am having fun and after all, that's what having a passion-filled life is partly about right?  Second, this feels like an awesome way to prove and hone my skills as a personal stylist and shopper, and to be able to include references/testimonials on my website once I get that up and running.  That piece, the personal stylist/shopper, feels like a 2012-13 project, I really want to give my CAbi consulting career a chance to take off and see how many lives I can touch.  CAbi talks a lot about touching and changing people's lives, and the gift that CAbi can be ,,, and I truly believe that.  Seeing the transformation a woman goes through when she puts something on that fits beautifully, makes her feel fabulous and everyone around her tells her she looks great is just awesome.

Back from Nashville ...

Been a really busy, crazy week so far.  Got back from Nashville on Sunday evening, and a dear friend had major surgery on Monday, so spent most of the day at the hospital.  Got home about 11:30 and my CAbi sample line was waiting in two big boxes, so of course I HAD to open them up and look at everything (over 100 pieces)!  Finally got to sleep about 2:30 am, and had a 8am conference call.

Other than that, my week has been about doing what I need to prepare for my CAbi preview party on Sunday, spending time at the hospital, regular life stuff (nails, car wash, banking, etc.), taking my dog to the vet and time at the gym (for sanity reasons).  

Am I a little stressed out?  Yes.  Am I loving that it's not because working for someone else is stressing me out?  Yes!!  

Off to Nashville ...

Tomorrow I'm heading to Nashville for CAbi's twice-annual training and fashion show for their new Spring '11 collection.  I really can't wait ,,, have been loving and wearing these clothes for several years now and to be a Consultant for them is just really going to be fun.

At the same time, my goal is to eventually establish a clientele of women (and maybe men) who trust my fashion opinion and will look to my services when I start my Personal Shopper/Stylist business.   Someone is already working on a logo for that company (whose name I have already established but will keep private for now), and eventually I will start having a website created, and just keep it moving forward.

I wake up each day energized and full of excitement for my life ,,, and that's exactly the feeling I was looking for. I also feel grateful and thankful each day for the blessings that got me to this point ,,, not just the financial stability, but the people, the previous jobs, all the good and bad that helped me get ready for this moment in my life.  I don't think we ever arrive at a point in our lives having gotten there all by ourselves, we made choices along the way, met people along the way and had experiences along the way that got us here.  If we don't give thanks for all of it, then we're probably not truly ready to experience and enjoy where we are.

Cheers!

New Year New Life

Well I guess I need to post more often if this is going to be meaningful.  :-)  So what have I been doing?  I have been getting my new business, as an Independant Consultant for CAbi, off the ground.  CAbi (Carol Anderson by invitation) is a line of fashions that are sold in-home by Consultants like me.  I've been buying these clothes for about 4-5 years now, and loving fashion as much as I do it was a perfect fit.  I think doing this lends itself beautifully to my long term goal of being a personal shopper/stylist too.  Doing in-home shows allows me to A) Have fun (super important to me); B) Wake up each day excited and full of passion for my work; cC) Meet some wonderful new women from all walks of life who I might not meet otherwise.  

I've given myself two years to figure out what I need/want to do in order to financially support myself again.  My plan is to do one thing at a time, but always have a next step ready to execute.  I also believe that destiny plays a part, and will have a hand in what works out and what doesn't.  So for now I am going to put all my energy into CAbi, laying some foundation for the stylist/personal shopper role.  

Is that all I want?  No, I also retired so that my time could be more my own, as I have a desire to write.  I've been told I have a good writing style, and I definitely enjoy doing it.  I think what's holding me back is trying to decide what kind of writing I want to focus on.  Short stories are fun, and at this point in my life there's a lot of material.  To be honest though, I sometimes wonder if I'm being presumptuous that anyone would want to read about my life ,,, I'm no one famous or noteworthy.  Does a writer have to believe that someone wants to read his words before he/she writes them?  I honestly don't know ,,, but I'm going to be exploring that too.  No expectations of fame or fortune (or even being published), just an expression of passion and joy.  One of them anyway ....

A little history ...

So my background is this ,,, I got my first job at 16, McDonalds.  :-) I needed to work, my father had passed away two years earlier, and while my mom was able to help me get a car I needed to be able to pay for my insurance and have money for gas.  Since that time, I've never stopped working.  I tried community college when I was about 18-19, but I also needed to work full time in order to help my mother make our mortgage payment. So I've waitressed, done clerical work for temp agencies, been an answering service operator, spent hours on my feet in retail and worked for the Coors Brewing Company for 10 years.  I got into the healthcare industry, or the technology side of healthcare, out of a desire to feel like I'm somehow making a difference in the world.  Eleven years later, making over $100k a year, I realized my desire to make a difference had somehow gotten lost in the pursuit of just living the american dream.

Don't get me wrong, I loved the money, I truly liked most of my co-workers and for the last two years I worked from my home ,,, my work life wasn't exactly stressful.  So why leave?  Because while I wasn't stressed or bored, I also had no passion for what I was doing.  I didn't wake up each day, or any day, exhilarated for what was ahead ,,, and this wasn't anyone's fault.  I was simply doing what so many of us end up doing ,,, living the life we fall into instead of the one we wished we had created for ourselves.

So, now I am blessed to have that chance to create the life I want for myself.