Ongoing observations

I finally have a lot to say, so I hope you'll grab a cub of coffee and stay for a visit.

Had a couple cool things happen this past weekend.  Friday night I volunteered at a Dress For Success fundraiser where there was shopping accompanied by champagne (for the guests, not the volunteers lol).  But women were putting their half-full, still-cold glasses down all over the place and at one point I was wandering around cleaning things up.  I had to sort of chuckle to myself that an 18-month sober alcoholic was cleaning up half-full glasses of champagne.  But the cool thing was I could smell the alcohol, remember a time when I did, or would have been, drinking that and I was unfazed by it.  I didn't want to drink it, I wasn't repulsed by it, it was simply amusing thinking about how it used to be.  I left there that night feeling very serene and pretty strong.

Then on Saturday I went to a sober bar b q with some of my fellows in recovery, most of whom I know.  Now, one of the reasons I drank was over social anxiety, and in sobriety that anxiety still plagued me. But for some reason, I realized I was not nervous or anxious about going to this party, and when a girlfriend left (who I'd driven there with, thinking I'd want to leave when she did), I came back.  I WANTED to be there, I was actually having FUN!

My intention is not to preach recovery, but in our big book there are a couple lines which state:
Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us.  We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us.

Those two lines especially are starting to ring true for me, and it's powerful, just really really powerful.  Never in a million years did I believe that I could be comfortable in social situations, not without alcohol anyway.  Feeling very blessed by this.  

Also what's going on is my work with my life coach is starting to reveal something exciting!  It's kind of like a geological dig where everything but the hidden treasure is being chipped away at, so what's revealed is what was always there in the first place.  I'll post more about the details of this when I'm ready, but I feel really empowered to step into what's true for me.  Don't honestly think I could have done that before getting sober, I just didn't know who I was and I didn't have the tools to figure it out. And maybe most importantly, for me anyway, is that I hadn't yet learned to trust God, to tune into that wisdom and recognize His voice in what I used to see as my intuitive voice.  

Still nothing resembling romance on my horizon, and that's ok.  I guess.  lol I change my mind daily about this ... truthfully I'm fine being just me, I'm happy and content.  But I'd be happier with a good man in my life, and I know now what a "good man" means to me.  And it's not even close to what it used to mean.  

I have been following a new regimen targeting specifically the yeast overgrowth in my gut and little by little, I can feel myself healing, finally.   If I could right this one situation, I think it would help immensely.  Feeling very hopeful, at last! 

Still having night sweats and hot flashes, but I do believe it's getting better.  Must be influenced by what I eat, as some days are better than others.  

So I think that's it for now folks.  Much love to you all, thanks for listening! 

Few words ...

It's been a good week, just feeling kind of odd today for some reason.  I went to a new healer today, she uses healing touch, and it was very interesting.  I can't really say yet what my first impression is, but my session certainly put me into a very reflective mood.

I also hired a virtual assistant this week, and I'm really excited about that.  I envision her helping me with things that I could learn given the time, but having someone else do them frees me up to do the things I actually enjoy, the creative stuff!  It's a real blessing that I found the woman I did, she works with several other women that I know, so it feels like a God-fit.  :-)  Love it when that stuff happens.

I'm not sure why exactly but I'm feeling a bit bereft of words lately, so not much else to say at the moment.  But you know me, once I'm on a roll you can't shut me up, so maybe this is a good thing.

One thing I can say though is this - I am filled with gratitude at this life I've been given, and every single thing in it.  Maybe that's why I've got little to say at the moment, I'm just feeling so grateful and words are superfluous right now.  My heart feels full, and not for any particular reason, just is.

Love to all, until next time.  Ciao!

Allita

Dillon

Just back earlier today from a weekend at Lake Dillon, up in the Rockies about 90 minutes from Denver.  Eight sober women in recovery, guests of my friend E at her family's condo.  Some of us knew each other well, some not at all.  E did a great job of picking the women and creating the vibe, we got along beautifully and seemed to really enjoy each others' company.  For me, it was not the first girls' getaway I've done, but it was the first one in sobriety with other sober women.  I truly had a great time, laughed hysterically & often, slept horribly, relaxed, walked a lot, shopped a little, thoroughly enjoyed the mountains and the beautiful weather, ate food that was good for me and some that wasn't (including my FAVORITE girl scout cookies, Samoa's.  Thanks E), shared some of my story & my life, listened to other people's stories, got closer to a few of the women and got to know all of them better.

Here's what I realized last night though, and this is what really set this weekend apart from any other girls trip I've taken.  There wasn't one moment where I wanted desperately to be home alone, I wasn't counting the hours until I could leave and get back to "being me" and I never felt like the odd man out, different, separate.  And never once did I feel like I was being someone I had to be ... I was simply being me, as comfortable in my own skin as I am able to be right now.

Here's a couple pictures of the lake, taken from the condo we stayed in:

This was Friday night, Saturday was a full moon.  I thought the moon over the lake and the clouds was so beautiful.

And this was this morning, before we left to head back to town.  It was such a gorgeous morning up there, perfect in every way.

I feel very blessed to have been included, blessed to know these women and most of all, blessed to be on this amazing, incredible, painful, beautiful and totally life-changing journey.

AND, when I got back I had two packages waiting for me.  One is a pair of shoes I've been lusting over for months and finally found them, on sale!  The other box had my essential oil order, which included one of the hormonal supplements I've been waiting for.  Although hot flashes weren't actually too bad this weekend, I'm hopeful this will help get rid of them completely, along with the other oils I'm using.

Hope you had a blessed weekend as well.

Title: Untitled

I've gotten away from posting here again, it's been an odd couple of weeks.  I've been feeling so aimless and adrift again, kind of lost in my own head without a clear direction.  I always wonder if everyone feels like this as much as I do, or if it's because of something within me, maybe part of my recovery from a lifetime of drinking instead of feeling.

Anyway, I haven't been feeling very good physically again.  Having more of the ongoing gut issues that plague a colon-cancer survivor, and that affects every other area of my body, including brain function.  I feel like mentally I am about half-here lately, it's kind of frustrating.  Hormones are kind of all over the place and probably will be for a while.  But I'm excited about a new healer that I've been turned onto who uses the practice of Healing Touch.  I'll share more once I've met with her, and that's coming up in the next two weeks.   I believe, and I touched on this somewhat in In Pursuit of The Divine, that our physical issues are a result of unresolved emotional trauma, and I've had a bit of that (sarcastic).

In the meantime, I'm pushing through my fog and finishing up some homework for my life coaching. Coming up with an essence statement, who am I and what is my purpose.  It might sound easy, and possibly for some it is, but it's been difficult for me.  Almost like another rebirth, similar to how it felt when I was writing my book chapter.  I keep feeling myself distracted, wanting to go do other things.

And I'm really missing Milo again lately.  He wasn't a noisy dog per se, but he had such a presence that my house feels uncomfortably quiet without him here.

I told my life coach last week that I'd do something this week that exhilarates me ,,, excites & scares me at the same time (that's how I define exhilaration).  Still haven't quite figured out what that is, but I've been very willing to think about it.  That counts, right? ;-)

Be well peeps!

Post-YL Convention

Haven't posted since before my trip to Salt Lake last week, it was a very busy week.

I drove to SLC Monday the 23rd - I keep thinking that trip is only about 8-9 hours but it's really more like 11.  Uneventful trip out there, which is always good.  Enjoyed the solitude of the drive though, listening to the latest adventures of Jamie & Claire (aka the Outlander series of books), letting my mind wander and loving the freedom of making as many bathroom stops as I wanted to without comment from a companion (I pee a LOT).  :-)

The convention itself was good, and I learned a few things, although not as much as last year.  Probably more because I was just an empty bucket when I went last year,  in need of so much information that it all felt new and helpful.  But it was GREAT to see two dear friends who I went to Health Coaching school with, although we never got a picture of the three of us. :-(

I'm still absorbing what I learned from Dr. LeAnne Deardeuff, whom I had a consult with while there on ways to treat some of the ongoing cancer/surgery/chemo-related issues I still deal with.  She had some helpful suggestions, several of which I have ordered the supplies to implement, and a couple I know won't work for me.  She also had some suggestions on how to get my hormones in balance.

Now I'm back, and feeling it's time to get a little more committed to putting together a career out of what's happened to me over the last 3 years.  I'm so thankful to be working with Kami, my life coach, who is helping me peel away the layers so I can focus on what's important and real.  I think I'm getting a little closer, and starting to feel some focus & clarity.  I will be interviewing and hiring a virtual assistant to help me with some of the technology issues that intimidate and overwhelm me, because that's keeping me from taking any steps forward.

I want to write and get paid for it.  I want to help other women listen to their own inner voices and hear their heart speak to them, as I have/am learning to do.  I want to be a healer, I know I have that in me, just not 100% sure what that looks like, but I'm starting to see it.  God is guiding me, that I know for sure.

That's it for now, more very soon.  I woke up with an epiphany this morning that feels life changing, and exhilarating!

Hugs to you all.