Ongoing observations

I finally have a lot to say, so I hope you'll grab a cub of coffee and stay for a visit.

Had a couple cool things happen this past weekend.  Friday night I volunteered at a Dress For Success fundraiser where there was shopping accompanied by champagne (for the guests, not the volunteers lol).  But women were putting their half-full, still-cold glasses down all over the place and at one point I was wandering around cleaning things up.  I had to sort of chuckle to myself that an 18-month sober alcoholic was cleaning up half-full glasses of champagne.  But the cool thing was I could smell the alcohol, remember a time when I did, or would have been, drinking that and I was unfazed by it.  I didn't want to drink it, I wasn't repulsed by it, it was simply amusing thinking about how it used to be.  I left there that night feeling very serene and pretty strong.

Then on Saturday I went to a sober bar b q with some of my fellows in recovery, most of whom I know.  Now, one of the reasons I drank was over social anxiety, and in sobriety that anxiety still plagued me. But for some reason, I realized I was not nervous or anxious about going to this party, and when a girlfriend left (who I'd driven there with, thinking I'd want to leave when she did), I came back.  I WANTED to be there, I was actually having FUN!

My intention is not to preach recovery, but in our big book there are a couple lines which state:
Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us.  We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us.

Those two lines especially are starting to ring true for me, and it's powerful, just really really powerful.  Never in a million years did I believe that I could be comfortable in social situations, not without alcohol anyway.  Feeling very blessed by this.  

Also what's going on is my work with my life coach is starting to reveal something exciting!  It's kind of like a geological dig where everything but the hidden treasure is being chipped away at, so what's revealed is what was always there in the first place.  I'll post more about the details of this when I'm ready, but I feel really empowered to step into what's true for me.  Don't honestly think I could have done that before getting sober, I just didn't know who I was and I didn't have the tools to figure it out. And maybe most importantly, for me anyway, is that I hadn't yet learned to trust God, to tune into that wisdom and recognize His voice in what I used to see as my intuitive voice.  

Still nothing resembling romance on my horizon, and that's ok.  I guess.  lol I change my mind daily about this ... truthfully I'm fine being just me, I'm happy and content.  But I'd be happier with a good man in my life, and I know now what a "good man" means to me.  And it's not even close to what it used to mean.  

I have been following a new regimen targeting specifically the yeast overgrowth in my gut and little by little, I can feel myself healing, finally.   If I could right this one situation, I think it would help immensely.  Feeling very hopeful, at last! 

Still having night sweats and hot flashes, but I do believe it's getting better.  Must be influenced by what I eat, as some days are better than others.  

So I think that's it for now folks.  Much love to you all, thanks for listening!