Am I becoming lazy

Sometimes I just wonder if I'm taking all this down time to heal, or am I just hiding, avoiding?  I can't not work forever, and I do want to get back into the world at some point. Or do I?  That's the question that plagues me sometimes ,,, is it so nice to just have my freedom and do whatever I want all day that I'm becoming lazy?  Am I going to be able to pull off this "starting my own new business" thing?  And why am I doing absolutely nothing about it yet?

The truth is I've done nothing BUT work since I was 16, and sometimes I like to think that maybe THIS is my retirement. I mean,  the whole concept of working your ass off until you reach a certain age, with no idea anymore of how to enjoy life, seems outdated. So maybe I'm taking mine now, if I survive another cancer recurrence, I can see myself working well into my 70's. The whole concept of "working" isn't what it used to be either.

Most of the time my faith/my inner wisdom assures me that I'm in the right place, doing exactly what I need to be doing. That's the difference between fear and faith ,,, the former wants me to feel insecure and full of doubt. The latter is about trusting my instincts, believing in what I can't see and knowing my own self worth, that if God can put the vision of greatness in my head & heart then He intends to lead me to it. Faith is huge, it's everything, and it's quite frankly pretty new to me. Trusting in what you can't see, but knowing you're worth the most, the best, the biggest and then letting go, not controlling it. That takes a lot of courage ,,, but I've survived cancer, ran a marathon, chosen to get sober AND remain single until I find the one right person I'm meant to be with.  Honestly, I think I've got the courage thing figured out.

I still question myself sometimes though, and maybe that's healthy.