On my mind

So a couple of things are on my mind tonite.

One is this ... I do know in my heart that in time, God will reveal to me what my life's purpose and passion is about and how I'm going to make a living from all these experiences.  Don't get me wrong, I'm financially ok today and for several more today's.  But a  year from now I might not be feeling that way, and in all honesty what I'm living off of would have been a fabulous retirement if/when I got to that point.  But I am grateful that God is allowing me this time to figure things out, and to give His plans for me time to be revealed.  And 95% of the time I walk on Faith, taking one day at a time, and trusting the process.  But sometimes, like today for some reason, I let fear walk alongside me and it's voice gets in my head a little bit.

And that brings me to the other thing on my mind, and that is this lesson I believe I'm learning, or that  God is trying to teach me, about shutting out and shutting down the voices of the world around me and tuning into what's in my own heart & mind, which I believe is the voice of God.  This is what keeps coming through to me, and every time I start getting too caught up in what I call "general beliefs" I feel like I'm not ok the way I am, that I should be doing something different.  But it's those feelings that were why I drank, and that certainly didn't work out very well.

I'm still figuring out what it is about my book chapter that needs work, if it even does.  We've gotten more guidance on what the book and it's stories are meant to convey, so that helps.  And I don't feel deflated anymore by the feedback I've gotten.  I know for a fact that it was NOT meant to come across as critical, and intent is what really matters.

So, my pink & white acrylic nails are coming off today.  It's been a long time coming, and while it seems like just a cosmetic change, it's so much more than that.  These nails have been a big part of my inability to accept myself, and my hands lol, for who I am.  They've been on for decades, and I truly believed I was unattractive without them.  Now, getting rid of them feels so liberating and I'm so ready to be done with all that maintenance, time & money spent on upkeep.  One less stressful thing to fill my life with, one more step in accepting myself for who I am.  PLUS, I'm sitting here typing with my own fingertips, which I haven't done in soooo long, it feels kind of weird but really, really good.  Maybe this is indicative that I'll be writing more.  :-)