What is this?

I know what I'm feeling today, just not sure at all why.  Feeling very lonely, sad and fatigued, extremely fatigued.  I feel like some weight sits on me and I have no idea what that's about.  It's like I'm supposed to be doing something different, something in particular, God's waiting for me to figure it out, but I just don't see it.  Weird & frustrating feeling.  Makes me want to just crawl back into my bed, hibernate and pretend this day never happened.  Know what I mean, or is that odd?

So the chapter writing is going really well, AND best of all we've been given an extension on our deadline.  Not sure what that is just yet, but I'm super thankful.  This is quite a process, it's like I'm trying to birth something here.  It's fascinating, and exhausting. Perhaps that's the connection to what/how I'm feeling today (lightbulb appears over head).  With all that's happened in the last 3 years, I've never written it all down in one cohesive manner, let alone honed it all down to something significant, a deeper meaning.  I mean, don't get me wrong, I've thought ALOT about the deeper message in these life events, but thinking about it and writing about it in a way that has meaning for someone else are two entirely different things my friends.  It's almost like some entirely new and amazing thought is waiting to pop out of my writing efforts.  I can't even tell you how dramatically different the story looks each time I get done writing, it gets better, sharper, clearer. So cool, and did I say exhausting? lol.

On the food front, I had some food tolerance testing done a few months back and one food in particular came back as a "Danger Will Robinson"type, aka a "red food" (pretty much means don't eat it until you've totally healed your gut, which I evidently haven't), and that is rice.  Other red foods were coconut and cinnamon, which I've been able to eat small amounts of lately.  But rice,,,, man every time I try just a little bit my poor GI system is in pain.  It does NOT work well in my body, and I've had a little rice over the past 24-48 hours and I'm really feeling it today.  Physically just not doing so well,,, another reason why crawling back into bed sounds like a really fabulous idea.

Will I go back to bed?  Will I write more this afternoon and continue this birthing process, or just rest and watch True Blood reruns?  lol stay tuned ....