Overwhelmed

So my mind is kind of reeling a lot lately, all sorts of things to sort out and it's hard to know what's first. 

I made a decision 14 days ago to choose sobriety over blackouts and numbing myself with booze every day.  Truth be told, it's a decision I've needed to make for years, but it happens when it happens.  I just realized that I've lost a lot of my life - moments, hours, days - to blackouts, and now recently to chemo fog and just the trauma of cancer/surgery/treatment.  I can't get those moments back, and more than ever I now understand just how short life really is. 

So I've attended a few AA meetings, trying to decide if that's the right thing for me or not.  And trying to NOT figure out tomorrow until it gets here ,,, that's a toughy. But with each day sober that passes, I know this is the right place for me to be. 

Then last week I met with my doctor to go over the lab test results from my annual physical, where she pulled all kinds of blood out of me and ran every single panel known to man (or thereabouts).  The cholesterol counts (a deeper dive than the traditional lipids test) and inflammation readings reveal that I'm insulin resistant, a pre-cursor to diabetes.  It means my body can't metabolize the sugars I'm consuming, which are normally converted to fat and burned up.  She assumed I was eating too many carbs, but I don't really eat a lot of carbohydrates, and I do know what they are.  The tests also revealed my liver is really struggling right now, which didn't surprise me.  Without my revealing anything, she asked me what my alcohol consumption was, so we talked a bit about my decision to be sober.  She was very excited to hear that, gave me some supplements to help and suggested I see a counselor.  Not sure about that part just yet, one step at a time for now. 

Lastly, I'm almost done with my 12 month Health Coach program,,, I need to create a Facebook page, update my website, create marketing materials, a payment system, think about marketing and getting paying clients.  But all I can focus on is my sobriety, because I'm entering unchartered territory with 14 days under my belt, and my health & what to do about it.  I just sat here eating about 10 Reeses Miniatures, saying to myself the whole time how bad it was for me and feeling even more overwhelmed.  Good grief.

Tomorrow is another day ... right??