Letting go of the past - really

I finally feel like I can breathe, and take some time for reflection this week.  Last week I had a lot of energy around my webinair for the Feminine Rising New Moon Retreat, which took place on Saturday.  I think my workshop went well, I feel good about it and have watched the replay twice now.  Each time I do one of these I learn a lot, and each time I feel more confident.  I didn't market it as much as I might have, but I felt a little paralyzed with anxiety for some reason.

So that's behind me now, the next time I do this it won't be my first time, I can modify existing content and don't have to start from a place of unknowing.  That feels good, like a relief.  I would like to do more webinars, and maybe that will, in time, ease my nerves about public speaking.  Maybe.  lol

So my business coach asked her clients to ponder and answer the question of what my 70 year old self would say to us today.  So, here's that answer:
"Have faith that you are right where you are meant to be, doing what you are meant to be doing.  Stay focused on the journey and your part in it, and keep trusting God with the destination.  Forgive yourself and others - in deed, thought & intent.  Trust your instincts, trust your instincts, trust your instincts.  Stay sober, keep growing and keep asking those great questions of yourself and of life.  Once and for all, let go of the past - let it go, there really is nothing there to serve you now.  You are beautiful and smart and powerful and so very worthy.  You ARE enough.  I love you! p.s. - eat the potato chips, it's ok.:-) "

Interesting, when I was writing that and got to the part about letting go of the past, my eyes welled up with tears and I felt this intense wave of emotion hit me.  In that moment, I realized just how much I have been holding on to the past, all of it, not just the parts that hurt.  I could literally feel the past slipping away, fading into the background, like a door slowly closing as I back away from it.  Maybe I needed to hear myself saying that TO myself (in theory) for it to really sink in, or maybe the time is finally right and I am ready to let it go.  I always thought "letting go of the past" meant just releasing the pain, but now I wonder if it doesn't also mean that we are holding on to the good parts, comparing everything now to everything then, seeing it all through rose-colored glasses.  Maybe doing that literally prevents us from being fully present, from seeing all the good that is happening now.

See, these are those "great questions" that I am always asking of myself and of life - I love that I do this, it's part of who I am.  What do you love about yourself?